Doubting God is Like Choosing to Fail

Have you ever doubted your calling? Your vision? Your gift? Have you ever just thought, what I’m doing isn’t important, It doesn’t matter, it isn’t doing what I want it to? I have. And in fact I feel like that often.

Have you ever doubted your calling? Your vision? Your gift?Click To Tweet

This past week I went away with my husband and the staff of our church on a retreat for off campus leadership training. And, wow. Just, wow. To be honest, I wasn’t sure how much I would take away from the sessions, being as I am a spouse of a staff member and not an actual staff member, but I left with pages and pages of notes about how to be a leader, how to encourage my husband in ministry, and how to implement these skills into my own spiritual calling. We were even given a little notebook for our training sessions and let me just tell you, I filled that bad boy up. But… could you really expect anything less from a writer?

Our work is our worship

As a wife in ministry I can often get caught up in my husband’s work right along with him. It’s really hard to separate work from worship from home. And often times I even catch myself trying to compartmentalize those three things like they have to be different and separate. One of the many things God revealed to me this week is that all of my work is for the Lord. And not just my work, but our work, as husband and wife, as ministry staff members and spouses. Our work is our worship. Our homes are places of worship. Our marriages are worship, our volunteering is worship, or jobs outside of church are places to spread the gospel, and opportunities to worship. When I catch myself trying to say “we worship at church” I can feel God saying “but you should be glorifying me in ALL you do… not just on Sunday mornings”. This really convicted me and helped me to realize where I have been sinning, doubting, and where I have been letting the enemy creep in to spread lies in my life.

'you should be glorifying me in ALL you do... not just on Sunday mornings', God.Click To Tweet

In the past few weeks I’ve been hearing God so much more. Honestly, it’s not because He hadn’t been talking to me before, but because I hadn’t been taking the time to listen. As part of the new year, my husband and I decided to start reading through the Bible chronologically together. This time spent together with God every day has really been growing us in our marriage as well as in our walk with God. Since the year started, I have felt God share with me affirmations of my career change (I quit my comfortable desk job to be a full time nanny which is another story for another day) knowing that this was what His plan for my life was calling for at this time. I’ve been hearing the push to get more involved with youth ministry at my church, and the Lord has been blessing my marriage abundantly.

God has really been working in me from the inside out

God has really been working in me from the inside out. He has changed my perspective from apprehensive and skeptical, to excited and welcoming change. When I reflect back on 2017, I first think about what an amazing whirlwind of a year it was. It has been my absolute favorite year so far and truthfully entering 2018 I was sad to see it end. Evan and I endured so much change together in such a short amount of time it’s hard to even document it all in a post. From engagement to marriage to buying a home, changes in work, starting a business, growing a blog, everything we went through both personally and professionally was nothing short of incredible.

Since the start of the new year I have been refining my goal and vision for my book. As many of you already know I have started working on my first book and hope to get that finished and start the publication process before the end of 2018. This will absolutely not be possible without prayers and your support, so thank you again, and in advance, for loving me and following this blog the way you do. My readers are the real MVPs out there. To give you some insight to the vision for this book, I want to share with readers what it actually looks like to marry into ministry. My husband works at our church in Glen Burnie, MD as the IT director and when we first started dating I had no idea, truthfully, what I was getting into. As this book is basically writing itself with my experiences, revelations, and truth about what it looks like to be the spouse of a man in ministry, I am getting more and more excited and affirmed in the need for this book.

I was choosing to listen to the wrong guy

As I started writing and refining my goal for this book, I began to feel like I was wasting my time. I started feeling like no one was actually reading my posts, I don’t have a voice that people want to hear from, who am I to write this book? I’m not actually a good writer. And the thoughts continued into a long chain of self pity and doubt that I stopped writing it all together. During the retreat with my husband and the staff of our church, God spoke to me about my gifts through some interactions with the other spouses, some of the staff members, His Word, and through prayer. I realized that all those terrible things I was thinking about myself, my writing, and my book were lies from the enemy to scare me away from doing something that God has called me to do. I realized I was choosing to listen to the wrong guy. When we came back from the trip to find a beautiful journal waiting for me to encourage me to write, God’s call on my life, and on this book, was only affirmed even more.

My dream for this blog is to reach the lost and make disciplesClick To Tweet

My dream for this blog is to reach the lost and make disciples. The same dream as my church, the church worldwide, and God. I want to share the Gospel with those who don’t know Jesus. I want the called to discover their calling. I want people to recognize their gifts, their potential, and to act on their calling. Faith without works is dead. So this is my work, the way that I show my readers what God is doing in my life, and in the lives of those around me. I want you to know how amazing God is and to know that He loves you more than you will ever know. The best way for me to show you this is through my writing. And the easiest way to share my writing with you is through this blog. God is my reason for this blog, and you are my motivation. I truly appreciate each and every one of you and pray that the Lord reveals to you the next step in your journey.

Much Love,

Caylee