To my friends and family who have said recently that they are “happy I have found religion” or “happy I found church”, I want to thank you… but apologize because to that I have taken some offense. And I know you didn’t mean it that way but I want to explain to you that what I have found is so much more than a list of rules or regulations, repetitious prayer, chants, and hymns, or four walls and a bunch of people. What I have found is sometimes hard to put into words. What I have found actually is not even a WHAT at all, but a WHO. On October 11th, 2015 I literally met Jesus. (Yeah I know… sounds crazy right but just hear me) And Jesus said to me that day,
“Caylee, take my hand (Isaiah 41:13)… walk with me and I will never leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5)…I will take care of you, it is finished (John 19:30).”
Now, I am in no way saying I don’t love my church, Lighthouse is great, and one of my favorite places to be. I’ve met some wonderful people there and in many ways, my church has become my family. But they’re just community… JESUS is who I have found, he’s my SAVIOR, not my religion. I feel like by saying I have found religion you leave room for that to change, for me to pick a different one if this one doesn’t work out or something… but I understand that you may not understand because you just may not have experienced it yet. In 2015, as many of you already know… I was an absolute mess. I was drinking all the time, blowing money left and right, bouncing around from one bed to another just trying to feel something… when I found JESUS, I believed I was so worthless he wouldn’t even WANT to know me. I felt disgusting, disappointing, worthless, and so very alone that I didn’t think anyone would care if I lived or died. When you are at this point and you see, hear, and feel GOD with all of your being… wouldn’t you take his hand?
I am not a Christian because I’m bored and it seemed like the cool thing to do. In fact I know exactly how “uncool” it is to be a “Jesus-freak”. But when you know how much JESUS loves you, you stop caring about what the world thinks. I am a Christian because I follow Christ. I am a Christian because I love Jesus and I am unashamed of His name. In 2015 I met the man whose birth we celebrate at Christmas, who lived a sinless life, and was murdered and shed blood on the cross to save me and cleanse me of MY sins. I pray that one day the veils will be lifted from your eyes and you will see what I see… because the clarity of the light reveals such an indescribable beauty and love you won’t be able to stop talking about it.